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17 October 2005 @ 11:40 pm
Just Stuff  
Today, I went shopping.

My mission was accepted for me, by the vile curse of a consumerist society continually driven to greater and greater excesses as corporations try to suck the disempowered populace dry one of my shoelaces snapping. So, I went for a little quest throughout the shopping centre, my eventual aim being the location and retrieval of a pair of black round shoelaces of an appropriate length and thickness.

Three. Hours. Later, I arrive at the very last of the shops in the building likely to carry any kind of shoelace, let alone the ones that I want. And there, before my eyes, they hang! On a top shelf! It's like Joss was protecting them, just for me. So, I collect them and take them over to the counter.

Pretty Shop Assistant™ scans them, reads the price off the computer screen, and looks at me. "They'll be $79.95", she declares; her voice is that even, neutral tone of 'you must give me money to take goods from this shop'.

You know River's OMJWTFidjit‽ expression? That's exactly the face I pulled. She blinked, looked back at the screen, and facepalmed. "$7.95", she corrected. Her colleague looked, gave one of those odd little male giggles, and shuffled off to do his job.

Thus shoelaced, I went on with my second quest item - plastic dinosaurs. So, I go to a shop that I know has plastic dinosaurs there for the purchasing.

...

And they've been discontinued. Browncoat Shop Assistant™ walks over, and asks if I need help. I start to explain what I'm looking for, stop, rethink, and ask if she's seen Firefly. And... she has! Wheeee!

I explain that I'm looking for dinosaurs like Wash is playing with at the start of the pilot episode. I get a blank stare in return. So, I pick up an Albert Einstein Action Figure (I kid thee not!) and a plastic cow, and re-enact, right there, in the middle of the shop.

Complete with voices and actions and expressions.

ALBERT: Yes. Everything looks good from here. This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land, and we will call it... "This Land"
COW: I call it your grave!
ALBERT: Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
COW: Ha ha HAH. Mine is an evil laugh. Now DIE!
ALBERT: Oh God! Oh dear God in heaven!

At this point, I have a little audience to whom I give an equally little wave, and a giggly shop assistant who knew exactly what I meant but wanted to see how I'd explain it. She suggests trying a toy shop; I may do that when my Serenity store arrives.

And that's about it for the narrative. So, now, I have pretend letters. Whee!


Dear "Goth",

Please take this advice from the person writing in her notebook with a black felt-tip calligraphic pen: carrying a cane and wearing a collar and leash while feeding a chronic tic-tac addiction doesn't make you look all goth.

No, not even a little bit.

It makes you look like Gregory House going to a fetish party. Please, please reconsider.

With hope for your dress sense,
active_apathy


Dear Stationers,

Putting 7mm lined notepads right next to 1mm black felt-tip calligraphic pens is pure genius, especially when I am in need of a notepad. I now have a use for lined paper, since the line height is canonical for those using a 1mm pen in this particular hand.

Yours consumerishly,
active_apathy
 
 
Entry Tags: letters
 
 
( Leave a comment )
Dana: Random {Hamster Angst.  Aw}eighthcloud on October 17th, 2005 06:50 am (UTC)
I'm trying to feel better! Honest!
active_apathy: Dead or Aliveactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 06:53 am (UTC)
You'd better be. They say laughter is the best medicine, so the next step is Operation Cure or Kill.
Danaeighthcloud on October 17th, 2005 06:58 am (UTC)
MY SICKNESS IS GONE NOW, YEY!
active_apathy: Pill Bottleactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 07:00 am (UTC)
Good!
Beer and Skittles: superhappyfunchick!liadlaith on October 17th, 2005 06:50 am (UTC)
It makes you look like Gregory House going to a fetish party.

*dies*

Metaquote? Can I?
active_apathy: Authorisation passwordactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 06:52 am (UTC)
2nd attempt:

You can, though the rest of the 'letter' - or at least the body of it - would make more sense.
Beer and Skittlesliadlaith on October 17th, 2005 06:57 am (UTC)
Yes, that's what I thought. Done!
active_apathy: Snoopydanceactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 07:00 am (UTC)
Whee!
Leila, Ninja Warrior Princess!leila82 on October 17th, 2005 07:19 am (UTC)
I love that picture of Snoopy. And I suddenly want an Albert Einstein Action Figure.
active_apathy: SnoopyDance Revolutionactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 07:25 am (UTC)
There's more.
Leila, Ninja Warrior Princess!leila82 on October 17th, 2005 07:34 am (UTC)
EEEE Snooppy doing DDR!
active_apathy: Snoopy-ljactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 07:36 am (UTC)
Panda-inna-box!
On se niin väärin!: Gir playing DDRaprilstarchild on October 17th, 2005 05:14 pm (UTC)
I like mine.

(found this LJ on metaquotes)
Tasha Rebekah Martin: houselietya on October 17th, 2005 07:17 am (UTC)
I do NOT like this recent trend where trying to find the simplest things requires a gigantic Quest and/or several months. (We're still looking for a plain wooden spoon....) Glad you eventually found them, at least.

"It makes you look like Gregory House going to a fetish party. Please, please reconsider."
*snicker*
active_apathy: Coffee!active_apathy on October 17th, 2005 07:26 am (UTC)
If I go shopping, it'd be quicker, easier and more fun to just play all the Zelda games all the way through, all over again.

Much more fun, actually.
deepfishy: cooties althusserdeepfishy on October 17th, 2005 08:03 am (UTC)
That's what movies should really sell - not action figures, but things in the movieverse. Wash dinosaurs, Jayne T-shirts - why has nobody done this?!


It makes you look like Gregory House going to a fetish party.

*chokes*
I...I have no words.

I now have this image of House limping around the hospital, with black eyeliner and a spiky leather collar on. And I can't stop watching because it's IN MY BRAIN. And...strangely compelling.
active_apathy: Playtimeactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 08:08 am (UTC)
They should! And wine made in a ship engine! And... um... other stuff. *nods*

"Where are you going?"
"Clinic's boring, dying patient."
"Get back in there, right now."
"What are you going to do? Spank me? Get Wilson to spank me?"
(no subject) - ianthefira on October 17th, 2005 08:05 am (UTC)
active_apathy: Serenisqueeactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 08:10 am (UTC)
Yay! And you've even been reading this nonsense for longer than pretty much everyone else. :)

Seriously, go and see Serenity. You won't be disappointed.
silmaril on October 17th, 2005 09:40 am (UTC)
I would have paid good money to watch that performance.

Stationers who know their stuff are both evil and a delight.
active_apathyactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 09:43 am (UTC)
Bessie vs Einstein: round one! :)
perfect_beakerperfect_beaker on October 17th, 2005 10:39 am (UTC)
Wandered over from metaquotes; the fact that you had the cow eating Albert...Sheer genius. May I add?
active_apathyactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 04:17 pm (UTC)
You may, but you might want to have a quick look at the rest of the insane piffle you're in for. :)
perfect_beakerperfect_beaker on October 17th, 2005 11:10 pm (UTC)
Insane piffle is my bread and butter!
active_apathyactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 11:13 pm (UTC)
As far as weight loss diets go, that one's completely new.
Susan Ivanovasuzotchka on October 17th, 2005 11:16 am (UTC)
(also here from metaquotes)

Meh, Albert Einstein. I want me a Shakespeare one. At the local toy shop ('Toys! Toys! Toys!') there's a whole rack of historical figures, including Freud, Beethoven, and *drumroll* Jesus. With gliding action.

*totally hasn't already done that scene with a teddy bear and a Sesshoumaru-plushie*
sabra_nsabra_n on October 17th, 2005 01:27 pm (UTC)
*here from Metaquotes*

My college bookstore has Karl Marx, Virginia Woolf, Sigmund Freud and Frida Kahlo. Plus finger-puppet Hamlet. I never bought one because I couldn't decide which to get.
crackedwraith on October 17th, 2005 12:54 pm (UTC)
It makes you look like Gregory House going to a fetish party. Please, please reconsider.

... *falls down laughing*
active_apathy: Dead or Aliveactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 04:19 pm (UTC)
Is the skeleton laughing? Is that what it is?

I'd always just assumed it was cremated in a disco inferno.
crackedwraith on October 17th, 2005 06:17 pm (UTC)
Well, he headbangs to everything, I swear. I write a post about a meme, "yeah, man!" I write a comment, "yeah, man!" I post about something traumatic that almost killed me, "damnit!"

Can you shoot up drugs in your bones?
only love .:. only skynotalwaysweak on October 17th, 2005 04:22 pm (UTC)
I went to a crystal shop the other weekend, after I'd seen the pilot, and they had plastic dinosaurs because it was a fossil shop as well as a crystal shop.

It's not hard to guess what I did. I just wish I'd bought them, as well, but I spent a lot of money on shiny objects anyway. Besides, I have dinosaurs. They're tiny and fluorescent, but they're dinosaurs.
active_apathy: Leaf on the Windactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC)
Hee! This Land now has properly-balanced energies!

The little tree is important, too.
only love .:. only skynotalwaysweak on October 17th, 2005 04:33 pm (UTC)
Curse your sudden but inevitable crystal-related humour!

I have a crystal tree -- does that count?

AUGH. I can't find the dinos. I'll have to look properly on the weekend when I have time.
active_apathy: Dora with Hatactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 04:37 pm (UTC)
Hee! Mine is an amused laugh.

Um... maybe. Green plastic trees are canon, but maybe Inara (or maybe Kaylee) has one he plays with sometimes.
only love .:. only skynotalwaysweak on October 17th, 2005 04:46 pm (UTC)
The crystals are green. Unfortunately I don't have a green plastic tree. And I still can't find the sodding dinosaurs. I've checked the obvious places. Now I guess I need to check the not-so-obvious places. I mean, if they weren't in the box with my Slinky collection, where else would they be? (I did find my water bombs, though. Yay!)
active_apathy: SnoopyDance Revolutionactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 05:10 pm (UTC)
Well, now you can carry out terrorororologist attacks with your OMJwaterbombsofDOOOOOOOM. It'd be a fiendish campaign of... um... lawyers with runny ink, or something.

Good luck finding the dinosaus, though!
active_apathy: Can't. Sentence. Properly.active_apathy on October 17th, 2005 05:11 pm (UTC)
Dinosaurs, even.
Mistress of Insanity: bush not allowed hogwartszeenell on October 17th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC)
From meta_quotes, I think you are hysterical...

add please?
active_apathy: Coffee!active_apathy on October 17th, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
You may! See the above warning about looking through the normal nonsense first, though.
nekoamanekoama on October 17th, 2005 08:25 pm (UTC)
I explain that I'm looking for dinosaurs like Wash is playing with at the start of the pilot episode.

OMG U R STEELING MY IDEAAAAAA.
XD

Seriously, that's totally awesome. I've entaced the skit a few times to confused classmates, but only with my hands. Using Albert Einstien and a cow is just brilliant. I may have to add them to 'this land' when I have the funds.

Also, the random Browncoat slang makes me happy inside. Movie round 3 this Thursday!
active_apathyactive_apathy on October 17th, 2005 09:13 pm (UTC)
Wheee! It's just one of those movies you can watch a million times. After the first time, I had a little debate with myself over just turning around and watching it again.