?

Log in

 
 
27 June 2005 @ 02:04 am
I'm active_apathy...  
...and this is the longest meme of my life.

The following is the list of questions found in this entry. All questions were answered in Real Time.

  1. Have you ever enslaved a population?

    I have indeed. Once I took their queen hostage, the workers would frantically mine and tunnel to cater to my every whim and command. I miss my ant farm.

  2. Have you ever implanted anyone?

    At school, in year two, I once convinced someone they were a plant. Does that count?

  3. Have you ever sacked a city?

    Look, Köln, everyone likes you here. You're a valuable part of our team, but management's starting to feel that, with the economy the way it is, we can't afford your poor performance of late. I'm sorry, but we're going to have to let you go.

  4. Have you ever sunk, or otherwise destroyed, a non-combatant vessel?

    Yes, I have. The HMAS SportsPage, an SMH-class newspaper boat, sank with all hands. A recovery operation was attempted, but by then the remains of the vessel were little more than useless pulp. No survivors were found.

  5. Have you ever abused hostages, or prisoners?

    Not at all, and if they say I have then it's the whapping stick for them.

  6. Have you ever ordered, or yourself committed, genocide?

    Do scrolls of genocide in NetHack count?

  7. Have you ever annihilated a population?

    I have indeed. I called in a hitman, armed with various neurotoxins, to mercilessly slaughter the cockroach population of an entire suburban house.

  8. Have you ever poisoned food or drinking supplies?

    Look, cyanide isn't a poison. It's a misunderstood flavouring agent, with a distinctive smell reminiscent of freshly-mown grass.

  9. Have you ever strangled anyone?

    Just the one, but he had it coming.

  10. Have you ever deliberately spread disease?

    Once, I was having a really bad day and I sneezed on someone who was really pissing me off. I guess that counts.

  11. Have you ever degraded a religion?

    "Today's sermon is on the healing powers of buttsex."

  12. Have you ever raped a child of either sex?

    No. Children aren't clean, they smell bad, and you never know where they've been.

  13. Have you ever warped an educational system?

    Yes. Does it count if I was in it at the time?

  14. Have you ever deprived people of hope?

    But there is no hope. No reason. No point. There's no use to maintaining this... this struggle. This facade. This pretend game, where we all try to convince each other that there's a glimmer of good somewhere in the universe. Not convinced? Read random journals for about twenty minutes. I'll wait.

  15. Have you ever committed murder?

    Oh, of course. Because my sneezing on Plantboy was FATAL. MINE IS AN EVIL LAUGH!

  16. Have you ever destroyed a culture?

    I had to take amoxycillin for a month once, so I damned well hope so.

  17. Have you ever forced anyone into an undesired beingness?

    Look, I've told you that you can't not be on a boat.

  18. Have you ever stolen a body from another being?

    Just the once - and knowing my luck, it was always going to be the zombie, wasn't it. *sigh* Some people just don't know how to put their zombies away properly.

  19. Have you ever destroyed an economy?

    I have indeed. I once came up with a careful plot to destroy trade by flooding the market with inexpensive duplicate items, killing the Blizzard-engineered found-gear black market that was painstakingly set up in the streets of Tristram.

  20. Is anybody seeking to discover your whereabouts?

    Only me. Got a map?

  21. Have you ever violated a nation's neutrality?

    Indeed I have. I made Switzerland take a stance. Unfortunately, their stance was just that I had to be deported.

  22. Have you ever broken a treaty?

    I have. I engineered a cunning bioweapon in the guise of a failed cake, and then took the unwise step of testing it on myself.

  23. Have you ever blanketed bodies for the sensation trick?

    No, but I did once get this sensation somebody was about to try some kind of blanket trick. Turns out I got shortsheeted; the culprit got strangled. See? Told you he had it coming.

  24. Have you ever upset an ecology?

    Yes, but I apologised and bought it chocolate. I thought it'd only be nice, since that's the least I'd expect if an ecology upset me.

  25. Have you persecuted others for their religious or political beliefs?

    Persecute is such a strong word. I prefer to think of it as a process of aggressive re-education.

  26. Have you ever interfered with the free flow of trade?

    I don't need to. There's plenty of trading blocs that can do that for me.

  27. Have you ever been a crook?

    I am not Richard Nixon a crook.

  28. Have you ever obliterated a language?

    So thoroughly that, were I to speak its name, you'd still never know it had existed and you'd think I'd just made the whole thing up in the first place.

  29. Have you ever stamped out a religion?

    Almost; I never quite got my 'Creation Myth' stamp cut properly, though, so my followers would've been stuck without a purpose for existence.

  30. Have you ever deliberately trained people in untruths for power, or profit?

    No. And they'll... um... confirm that. *nodnods*

  31. Have you ever defiled religious places, persons, or objects?

    I have a pocket New Testament that keeps my bookcase level. From beneath.

  32. Have you ever practiced terrorism?

    "If our demands are not met, we will fire the device... no, no... If you do not meet out demands... no, um... Do as we say, or I arm the nuclear... hmmm, no."

  33. Have you ever done anything you would not like to think of yourself as having done?

    I thought about how I don't like to think about thinking about things like that.

  34. Have you ever been a coward?

    Arrhhh! Run awau! RUN AWAAAAY!

  35. Have you ever trapped a thetan?

    Only in a debt trap. It keeps having to borrow to pay off its interest.

  36. Have you ever prided yourself on your wickedness?

    *smirk* I should, shouldn't I?

  37. Have you ever destroyed artistic productions, or creations?

    No, Nooooo! It's all WRONG! It's horrid, it's infantile, it's NOT my VISION. Ugh. Get it out of my sight and BURN IT.

  38. Have you burned literature?

    I have. The Complete Works of Shakespeare in HTML format on a pocket CD-R, to be precise.

  39. Have you ever forbidden people to practice their own customs?

    I expressly forbid human sacrifice in my living room. Sorry.

  40. Have you ever perverted a people's customs?

    Well... what about if, instead of sacrificing humans, we sacrifice this... um... paper doll? And we use... um... water-soluble paint to represent blood?

  41. Have you ever done anything which you hoped would be wiped out by the passage of time?

    I played with the invisible ink watermark on a bank cheque, rubbing it until it appeared and then watching it fade again. It took a really long time to fade the last time I tried, at which point I stopped and hoped that it'd fade again, that it'd reappear when they checked, and that I hadn't broken my $750 cheque.

  42. Do you deserve to be punished into eternity for something you've done? If so, what is it?

    I made an icon alleging that a sadomasochistic relationship existed between John Howard and Peter Costello. Arguably, I've already been punished into eternity for it by a decade of Howard as PM.

  43. Have you ever exposed infants?

    Only to my wit, brilliance and genius. Oh, and my absolute, sincere modesty.

  44. Have you ever bred bodies for degrading purposes?

    My purposes never degrade. My intentions now are as shiny and focused as the day that I came up with them.

  45. Is there anything you would have done differently if you had had more data?

    There is. I'd have found a way to get more than a bare pass on my year 10 science assignment by having facts instead of just making them up to fit my hypothesis. Turns out I score 153% for academia, and 1% for science.

    The above figures may be made up.

  46. Have you ever forced beings into unwanted bodies?

    Those beings didn't know what they wanted. They're lucky they had me - they'd never have had the opportunity to be a potted ficus were it not for me.

  47. Have you deliberately prevented beings from exteriorizing?

    You mean locked them inside? If you met my cousins, you wouldn't blame me.

  48. Have you done anything to a person, group, or thing that wasn't deserved?

    I gave Microsoft money once.

  49. Have you ever deserted a just cause?

    But... but Gandalf was allowed to!

    Meanies.

  50. Have you ever debased a nation's currency?

    I always call it worthless Australian play money, mostly because in the rest of the world it is.

  51. Have you ever deliberately tortured someone?

    The jumper leads and the battery got there by accident, honest! And I've never seen that hacksaw before in my life!

  52. Have you ever enslaved another being?

    "Look, Murph, I have to put this on you before I can take you for a walk..."

  53. Have you ever gained, or maintained, a position by portraying yourself as victimized?

    I- I... look. That question hurt me. *sob* I demand it be removed!

  54. Have you ever undermined a people's trust?

    "People of... umm... Where are we again? Earth! I come in peace...

    But that lot behind me? They don't. Kill them all - except the ones I like."

  55. Have you driven anyone insane?

    Insane is a very strong word. I prefer 'somewhat nutzoid'.

  56. Have you ever been a professional prostitute?

    That'd be people who screw others for their primary income, right? Then no. I am not a lawyer.

  57. Have you ever been a criminal?

    That'd be people who violate the spirit of the law for their own benefit, right? Still not a lawyer.

  58. Have you ever trained people for criminal purposes?

    I shared a lockpicking guide on Ares for a bit. Does that count?

  59. Have you ever been a pervert?

    No, I haven't. That'd look charming on a resume -

    Previous experience:
    Pervert (1998-2004)

  60. Have you ever recruited anyone for an unworthy purpose?

    I sold credit cards for Amex. You work it out.

  61. Have you ever traded in others' bodies for profit or power?

    No! I traded in others' bodies out of love and a sense of adventure.

  62. Have you ever stolen a mock-up or facsimile?

    You don't steal the gorramn fax machine. You steal the pens, and the pencils, and the eraser, and the stapler, and if you must - the whiteboard. You don't nick the fax. Silly Scientologists.

  63. Have you ever usurped a location?

    Avast! I claim this space in the name of Me! Consider this spot usurped, ye scurvy landlubber! I shall call it... this spot!

  64. Have you ever made things scarce so that you might profit unfairly?

    I think I might just have done so. I made sure that I had the only copy of my essays in school, so that I'd get better marks.

  65. Have you ever made a practice of creating emergencies?

    No, not usually. I think that- OHMYGOD! gtg! There's coffee and it's BREWING! We're doomed! I must save us ALL from the ESPRESSO.

  66. Have you ever practiced human sacrifice?

    I told you, not in the living room. Please, do try to listen.

  67. Have you ever assumed a beingness which was not rightfully yours?

    Avast! I claim this beingness in the name of Me! Consider this beingness usurped, ye scurvy landlubber! I shall call it... this beingness!

    Actually... I don't want to be a scurvy landlubber. As you were.

  68. Have you ever killed the wrong person?

    Yes. Turns out that it was someone else who shortsheeted my bed. But, when I find the culprit, I'll be sure to strangle them twice to make up for it.

  69. Have you ever punished an innocent person?

    Ok, ok... it probably wasn't the postman either, but I said I was sorry.

  70. Is anybody looking for you?

    For? No. At? I hope not. *draws curtains*

  71. Have you ever systematically degraded an individual, or population, or mock-up?

    I do not allow degradation.

    The individuals are copyrighted. It upsets me terribly to even think about degradation of individuals. I advise my readers to come up with your own ways of degrading your own individuals.

    It is absolutely essential that you respect my wishes.

  72. Have you ever unlawfully, or unethically, deserted a post?

    The post told me it needed some alone time. It seemed so smooth, so upright, so well-adjusted that I thought it'd be fine. I thought that everything had been set in concrete, and that things were finally stable. I didn't expect the post to just... just crack, like the way it did. When it did that, the whole fence just collapsed.

  73. Have you betrayed someone, or something, which deserved your help?

    Not this week.

  74. Have you ever set a poor example?

    I drink, I eat a lot of chocolate and icecream and cake and chocolate cake with chocolate icecream, I tear the world around me to hopefully amusing shreds, and I'm currently taking the time to write possibly funny answers to all these questions.

    So, I say no. I think that you say yes. Silly Scientologists.

  75. Have you ever perverted the institutions of a culture for your own personal power or profit?

    Oh, of course. I nicked stationery from the Office of the Prime Minister and Cabinet so that I could pretend to write official edicts. I subverted the National Gallery to make it try to sell Blue Poles and give me the proceeds. When either, or both, of these plans comes to fruition I shall be wealthy and happy.

  76. Have you ever denied yourself?

    Me, no. Just no. Don't go there.

  77. Have you ever betrayed yourself?

    That might be where my trust issues come from.

  78. Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?

    No. I came to Earth to pick up a couple of pizzas, but it was so nice here that I decided to go for the full invasion.

  79. Have you ever acted contrary to your own principles?

    I don't act against my principles, nor do I reveal them.

    Oops.

  80. Have you ever failed a friend?

    I've had a couple of friends I would fail, if I had to mark the things they handed in at school.

  81. Have you ever sought to render others dependent on you?

    And then exploited that dependency to my own immense, immeasurable personal benefit?

    Um... not that I know by experience, or anything.

  82. Have you ever abused those under your protection?

    Maybe you should ask them that. Ummm... for their safety, I can't let you talk to them.

  83. Have you ever destroyed farmland, crops, or breeding stock?

    Isn't everyone supposed to get a go at the fields of Carthage?

  84. Have you ever despoiled a planet of its natural resources?

    Oh, yes. I made my very own ice planet, and then completely consumed its ice reserves.

  85. Are you in hiding?

    Only when my grandmother visits.

  86. Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?

    Worse - talkback radioactive.

  87. Have you ever wrecked a climate?

    I broke an air conditioner... or does that just wreck climate control?

  88. Have you ever systematically set up mysteries?

    Wouldn't you like to know...

  89. Have you ever made nothing of yourself?

    You come from nothing, you go back to nothing.</python>

  90. Have you ever made a profession of destruction?

    I absolutely have been a professional destroyerer... of drink!

  91. Have you ever enturbulated an orderly environment?

    Have you ever seen my desk?

  92. Have you ever been a traitor?

    Not yet. I do get a wee bit seditious at times, though.

  93. Have you ever deliberately lowered another's knowingness, or ability?

    Many, many others lower their knowingness far too much for it to be worth my time trying.

  94. Have you ever maimed, and crippled, other people's bodies?

    Just their bodies of work, and then it's only if they really deserve it.

  95. Have you ever pretended to a power you did not possess?

    I have the Power to read your Fortune by the Cleanliness of the Untensils you use to make Chocolate Mousse.

  96. Have you ever stolen ships, draft, vessels, or vehicles belonging to a government?

    Only drinking vessels; even then, the handle fell off. Stupid Government.

  97. Have you ever disappeared?

    Of course! Just like this sentence is doing right now.

  98. Have you ever killed your own body?

    If I have, I certainly wasn't successful.

  99. Have you ever pretended to a knowingness you did not possess?

    I know what you did last time I Know What You Did Last Summer was on TV.

  100. Have you ever caused a planet to disappear?

    Many times. Beat that, Copperfield.

  101. Have you ever felt the ends justified the means?

    Only when the means justified the feeling.

  102. Have you ever given a cause a bad name?

    In retrospect, the name 'Front for the Understanding, Control and Killing of Overly Fiendish Fools' was probably a bad choice.

  103. Have you ever discredited the creations of others?

    Consider that this quiz was written by others. Pause. Reflect. Read the answers. I'll be here when you get back.

  104. Have you ever been off post at a time when you were desperately needed?

    I told you, it said it wanted alone time! How was I to know that the fence would collapse?

  105. Have you ever convinced another that he has mocked up an unconfrontability?

    Plantboy was having an argument with a fern about breakthrough techniques in photosynthesis, so I guess so.

  106. Have you ever deliberately mocked up an unconfrontability?

    I'm pretty sure that makes no sense, so I'll settle for mocking the quiz. Silly Scientologists.

  107. Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?

    Eggplant!

  108. Have you perverted historical truths for any reason?

    Is it my fault if some people are unfamiliar with the theory that King Clovis started his career as a professional clown, doing children's parties in Aachen before a talent scout discovered his wondrous abilities at splitting skulls with an axe? Well? Is it?

  109. Have you deliberately sent someone to the wrong place, or the wrong person?

    Oh, of course! All the time! Especially links for porn, which I deliberately forward to government departments.

  110. Have you ever been a professional spy, or intelligence agent?


    I consider myself to be an agent of intelligence, or more often, an agent of common sense.

  111. Have you made a practice of worrying people?

    I know this may come as a surprise, but you're going to die. *nods sagely* We're not quite sure when, but it'll probably be a day of the week.

  112. Have you consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?

    Unnatural fashion? What, like synthetic clothes? No.

  113. Have you demonstrated that control is impossible?

    I couldn't keep myself from mocking this quiz, could I. What's that say about control? Silly Scientologists.

  114. Have you ever wrecked a vehicle, or vessel?

    I already told you about how the handle fell off that coffee mug. Pay attention.

  115. Have you ever pretended to be dead?

    I'm dead too.</helium>

  116. What question should be on this check for others?

    "342. What question shouldn't be on this check for others?"

  117. Have you ever convinced another of the injustice of his cause?

    I have - after all, the fern has its own perfectly good, traditional methods for photosynthesising and doesn't need to be told how to do it by some pretend-plant upstart from the modern world.

  118. Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?

    *strikes pose* I can do both.

    There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio,
    Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
    *beat*
    Because your philosophy sucks.

    (with thanks to Lore Brand Comics)

  119. Have you ever claimed it harmed you to do something?

    Ow. Ow! This quiz hurts my brain!

  120. Have you ever deliberately disfigured another's body?

    No. A blank canvas is kinda scary, y'know?

  121. Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?

    Doesn't that kinda come under the previous question?

  122. Have you ever blinded anyone?

    Only temporarily, only by accident, and only with the mirror from one of those ungodly folding hairbrushes.

  123. Have you ever destroyed another's hearing?

    WHAT? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

  124. Have you ever knocked someone's teeth out?

    No, but I think the pool cue might've.

  125. Have you ever punished another by cutting off some part of his body?

    I didn't give my brother a haircut quite that bad. It wasn't good, but it wasn't that bad.

  126. Have you ever been a parasite?

    Not even a barfly.

  127. Is there anything you have sworn off being?

    A loud, abusive, elderly busybody watching people with suspicion from behind a fluttery lace curtain.

  128. Is there anything you have sworn off doing?

    Setting fire to my neghbour who insists on mowing his lawns at the ungodly hour of 11am on a Sunday.

  129. Is there anything you have sworn off having?

    A javelin buried in my leg.

  130. Have you ever given a degraded, or debased, example of divinity?

    I am here to continue and further the goodly works of Bacchus, amidts large, open gatherings featuring rich food, strong drink, lots of sex and merry frolicking.

  131. Have you ever perverted a communication system?

    "Perverted communications are ahead Harry."

  132. Have you ever been a professional critic?

    I criticise out of love, respect and fun. Your question lacks inspiration, is poorly directed, needs to be better framed and is far too open for your own good. (That one was for fun)

  133. Have you ever held others in pawn for profit?

    The interest on you will be 25% a month. You have to at least pay the interest each month, otherwise we'll sell you off to recover the debt.

  134. Have you ever presumed on the natural goodness of another?

    Only the naturally good people.

  135. Have you ever caused another to mistrust you?

    Let me put it this way - after about three games, my friend group at school refused to play Cheat with me.

  136. Have you ever made a burden of yourself?

    I don't mean to impose, but could you answer this one for me?

  137. Have you ever gone crazy?

    Wooooowibbledewhoooo. Boing!

  138. Have you ever sought to persuade another of your insanity?

    Wooooowibbledewhoooo. Boing!

  139. Have you ever deliberately mutilated bodies?

    Bits of. Hooray for science classes.

  140. Have you ever deliberately mutilated objects?

    I have broken some stuff deliberately. Like this lamp over your head, if you keep asking daft questions like that. Silly Scientologists.

  141. Have you heightened sexual sensation by inflicting pain?

    Ohhh... *chomp* Rawr!

  142. Have you ever caused something to appear at an unexpected time?

    NO-ONE EXPECTS the Spanish Inquisition!

  143. Have you ever caused something to appear in an unexpected place?

    Our chef weapon is surprise! And fear. Fear and surprise... surprise and fear.

  144. Have you ever maltreated a pregnant woman, or pregnant animal?

    No. Been maltreated by, on the other hand...

  145. Have you ever corrupted a child?

    "No, no, it's ok to have chocolate cookies right before bedtime." Bwahahahahahaha.

  146. Have you ever sought to convince others of their guilt?

    No, because it's all your fault.

  147. Have you ever started a war?

    Only on LP. The chan-ces of an-y-thing com-ing from Mars...

  148. Have you ever caused your own side to loose?

    Only arrows. Unless you meant lose. Silly Scientologists.

  149. Have you deliberately distorted others' ideas?

    I see the Church of Scientology doesn't place critical reading highly amngst its desired skill set.

  150. Have you ever manipulated beings as though they were MEST? [Matter, Energy, Space and Time]

    I shoved this obnoxious guy out of the way, once.

  151. Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?

    Waaay back in '95, I made the mistake of not being old enough to vote for a leader with a clue about economics.

  152. Have you ever sought to convince beings that they were MEST?

    People are made out of Stuff™, so it's a pretty fair case. Silly Scientologists.

  153. Have you ever tried to persuade others there were thoughts they mustn't think?

    You must not think about answers to this question. Thinking about answers to this question will be your undoing.

  154. Have you ever sought to put another's thinkingness out of his control?

    That's called 'Sales'. You take control of their thinkingness, and use it to power their buyingness.

  155. Have you ever permitted a subordinate of yours to be punished for your mistakes?

    I have subordinates? Wow. *snaps fingers* Coffee. Now.

  156. Have you ever tried to shift blame on to a superior of yours?

    It's not shifting blame if it really is their fault. So, technically, yes.

  157. Have you ever smothered a baby?

    Not even with attention.

  158. Have you ever inflicted physical pain on an insane person for any reason?

    Only if accidental foot-treading counts as a reason.

  159. Have you ever taken pride in and cultivated a wrongness?

    I'm not quite sure what kind of conditions a wrongness needs to flourish. Half-shade or full sun? Daily watering, or a drop or two once a week? Inside or outside?

  160. Have you ever worshipped wrongness in others?

    Idi, I bow to your Wisdom in keeping a Head in the Fridge, to Take Out and Argue With at family functions.

  161. Have you ever sought to make others unwilling to produce?

    Not so much. There are people I'd like to make unwilling to reproduce, though.

  162. Have you ever wiped out a family?

    My ant farm was like a big family. *sob*

  163. Have you ever rewarded another, or a group, for a wrongness?

    Fidel, I have enclosed 50c to contribute to your funds for non-exploding cigars.

  164. Have you ever had sexual relations with an animal, or bird?

    Only if we're speaking metaphorically.

  165. Have you ever participated in a sexual relationship between a doll body and a human body?

    ...

    There's no metaphor for that one, is there.

  166. Have you ever destroyed a doll body?

    Only my CSI: Barbie.

  167. Have you ever lost a doll body entrusted to you?

    My whole collection of Without a Trace action figures.

  168. Have you ever punished another, or a group, for a rightness?

    Rightness? Rightness? Is that even a word?

  169. Have you ever permitted another to be punished for your misdeed?

    That'd count as a misdeed too, wouldn't it. *sigh*

  170. Have you ever perpetuated an injustice?

    It was so just, it was in justice.
    (With apologies to the Three Amigos)

  171. Have you ever been brutal to animals?

    Not at all. They appreciate and return the favour, unlike some people.

  172. Have you ever denied others a means of existence?

    Hmm.. let's see. NO. I didn't even know I could stop people from existing, but it's good that you've told me I can.

  173. Have you ever deserted your own children?

    No. That said, my 'children' are furry and have 4 legs.

  174. Have you ever refused to support your parents, or grandparents?

    My parents are still quite self-sufficient. My grandparents will live forever, because nowhere else will take them.

  175. Have you ever denied others a redressment of grievances?

    Only theirs. :)

  176. Have you ever caused another to distrust himself?

    I know you can't trust yourself. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

  177. Have you ever caused another to identify himself with a form in order to enslave him?

    I knew it! You're a Request For Enslavement #14354352A-D. No, that's the green one. Silly Scientologists.

  178. Have you ever given anyone the third degree?

    If you just start telling me the truth, this'll be a lot. easier. for all of us. Got it? So, where were you?

  179. Have you ever validated the insanity of another being or group?

    Silly, silly Scientologists. *sigh*

  180. Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?

    If all the people who say they're sane are, then sanity's already given itself a bad enough name. I don't need to do a thing to help that along.

  181. Have you ever warped, or distorted, bodies for sexual purposes?

    No; I haven't warped or distorted sex for bodily purposes, either.

  182. Have you ever wanted to disown a deed of yours?

    Let's try getting to quesiton 182 of this quiz, just for a start.

  183. Do you deserve to have any friends?

    Yes indeed. If you say otherwise, then my well-deserved friends will want to have Words™ with you.

  184. Have you ever castrated anyone?

    Oh, I wish.
    [[Insert Scissors]]

  185. Have you ever wrongfully claimed another's deeds as your own?

    You mean apart from inventing the Internet?

  186. Have you ever robbed a dead body?

    Only while it was still alive, and not even then.

  187. Have you ever made love to a dead body?

    It almost felt like it. There was a pulse, but that was about the only clue to the presence of life.

  188. Do you deserve to be free?

    I deserve to be very, very expensive. *nods*

  189. Do you deserve to be enslaved?

    Not today. I have other plans. Maybe... hmm... let's see... how's never for you?

  190. Is there any question on this check I had better not ask you again?

    I doubt my answer to this can affect the rest of the questionnaire. Silly Scientologists.

  191. Have you ever considered another didn't deserve to be sane?

    I don't have any problem with sane people. Some of my closest friends are sane people.

  192. Have you ever considered another didn't deserve to be free?

    Some people have demonstrated they don't have the mental acuity to make their own decisions. The name Paris springs to mind...

  193. Have you ever considered another didn't deserve to be well?

    No-one deserves to be a well. They'd be all cold, and dark, and hollow and empty. For some people, though, it'd be the deepest they ever got.

  194. Have you ever considered another didn't deserve to be alive?

    I'll answer this after I see the rest of the questions.

  195. Have you ever made MEST guilty of harming you?

    But time heals all wounds, I need a bit of space sometimes, and all this talk of energy honestly doesn't matter. Next?

  196. Have you ever made another guilty of doing you permanent harm?

    They made themselves guilty. Except there wasn't actually any permanent harm, so that's pretty much a non-starter.

  197. Have you ever forced another to compete?

    I'll race you to the end of the quiz. If you don't, I'll shoot you.

  198. Have you ever pretended to be unable to repair a form?

    "I don't know how to fix this select box. That's ok; it was a stupid form control anyway."

  199. Have you ever refused to put back into order a disorder you created?

    Have you seen my desk?

  200. Have you ever shot, or stabbed, someone in the back?

    Let's get this straight - if I kill you, you'll be on your feet, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.
    (With apologies to Mal)

  201. Have you ever been disloyal?

    Only when the price is right. ;)

  202. Have you ever been treacherous?

    Oh, aye. And fickle, and unpredictable, and chaotic and even *gasp* dangerous, on occasion.

  203. Have you ever engaged in piracy?

    Arrrrr, I be the scourge of the High Seas, yarr. An' mateys, I be 'spectin' appropirate manners a' all times, y'hear? Fer the menfolk pirates, arrr, tha' means hats off below decks, yarr. Fer all o' ye scurvy rats, yarr, ye should be lookin' te keep yer elbows off th' table, yarr, an' be usin' th' 'ppropirate silverware, arrr. 'S what we be stealin' it for, yarr.

  204. Have you ever made an outrageous, or preposterous, will?

    I bequeath Bill Gates' entire estate to my own estate, to be divided according to provisions set out elsewhere in my will - that is, divided out of a prize pool according to the average of a recipient's rankings in both chess and Unreal Tournament as found through intensive competition with other recipients over the course of a month, in a specially prepared location somewhere on the shores of the Mediterranean.

  205. Have you ever thrown the ownership of property into doubt?

    Basically never. Oh, by the way, that's my pen.

  206. Have you ever demonstrated that communication is impossible?

    I've already told you. Wooooowibbledewhoooo. Boing!

    It means 'Silly Scientologists'.

  207. Have you ever withheld useful data?

    Now that I've told you what "Wooooowibbledewhoooo. Boing!" means, no.

  208. Have you ever created chaos?

    Desk. Look. Now.

  209. Have you ever consistently made a practice of furnishing useless data?

    Only 74.22131% of the time do I furnish useless data I've made up on the spot. Guess which bit of that 31.54443% this answer fits into.

  210. Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?

    I've tried to imagine people out of existence. Does that count?

  211. Have you ever caused another to mistrust his judgment?

    What do you think? I mean, maybe I have... but maybe I haven't. How could you ever know if you were right? How do you know the doubts wouldn't just be your own, and that I hadn't made you doubt your judgement?

  212. Have you ever convinced another he was guilty of a crime, or misdeed, which he had not in fact committed?

    So you kidnapped, tortured and killed him, all to protect your own sordid little secrets, didn't you. DIDN'T YOU.

  213. Have you ever sought to convince another that there was something wrong with him?

    In this case, I'd be right. Silly Scientologists.

  214. Have you ever practiced medicine unethically?

    Whatever do you mean, potassium hydroxide isn't a painkiller?

  215. Have you ever practiced law, or jurisprudence, unethically?

    I might've. Might've been good enough to get away with it, too.

    Oh, wait. That'd make it ethical for a lawyer.

  216. Have you ever sought to convince another that everything was the same as everything else, so it didn't matter what he did?

    A table has four legs. A cat has four legs. A dog has four legs. You can buy your kids a table as a pet.

  217. Have you ever spread despair?

    No, I just sow the seeds. I let those unsuspecting sods spread despair.

  218. Have you ever kept effective solutions from working?

    If they were effective, then they'd have worked anyway. Obviously, they were flawed and my solutions were much better.

  219. Have you ever sought to convince another that there was no difference between right and wrong?

    Clearly 'wrong' is just 'right' filtered through a simple substitution cipher, which seems to be employed by the Liberal Party.

  220. Have you ever been a pimp?

    Getting about with a cane just looks stupid.

  221. Have you ever given families a bad name?

    I find it's easier to let folk like Family First do that.

  222. Have you ever produced a criminal?

    I have the techonology...

  223. Have you ever assisted an evildoer?

    No, I didn't vote for Howard. Beyond that, I suppose I might have let a murderer have a parking space or a daring thief into the supermarket checkout queue because he only had a bottle of milk and a bag of lollies.

  224. Have you ever driven a population into criminality?

    My entire English class staged a revolt to get an appeal over hideously unfair marks from Another Teacher who was rather upset that her class wasn't nearly as good.

  225. Have you ever used criminality as a means of control of a population?

    "You will all be very, very good, or I will steal your DVD player and beat you senseless. Got it?"

  226. Have you ever made sanity appear to be psychotic?

    Oh, of course. Sane people have a psychosis that makes them think they're somehow better than everyone else; more deserving of sunlight, not suited to a padded cell, and able to function in society. Except that there's one thing they're forgetting - the odd folk tend to be the ones who invent and discover stuff.

  227. Have you ever been a psychiatrist?

    Only the armchair variety.

  228. Have you ever depopulated an area?

    Yes, but only because they were populating my area.

  229. Have you ever deprived another of a livelihood?

    I suppose once or twice I've been offered a job ahead of other applicants OMG I'm an evil life-destroying MONSTER! What've I done?! Those poor, poor people.

  230. Have you ever given God a bad name?

    Yes, but I don't want to repeat it here.

  231. Have you ever been a corrupt priest?

    You mean th' shacramendal wiiine *hic* ishn'd for drinkiesh?

  232. Have you ever given spirits an evil reputation?

    Actually, no. Either I have nightmarishly good alcohol tolerances, or I'm basically me when drunk. So, that bit back there? Made up. Entirely.

  233. Have you ever been an evil spirit?

    What? You mean like distilled alcohol product aged for 10 days in the back of the truck? Noooooo.

  234. Have you ever sought to convince others that things were evil?

    Electric lamps? Evil. Free steak knives? EVIL. Really small stones? EEEEVIIIL!

  235. Have you ever taught others that nothing can be done?

    Obviously listening can't be done. Please do pay attention. Silly Scientologists.

  236. Have you ever tried to convince others that knowing is bad? That perceiving is bad? That sensation is bad?

    If you didn't know, sense or perceive you'd have no idea what bad was. All those things contribute to your experience of bad. And it's not because they're bad things, no, not at all. No, it's because YOU are BAD, Mr Made-Up Scientology Question Person who I May Have Convinced He Was a Ficus Sixteen Years Ago.

  237. Have you ever deliberately caused a sane person to be committed to a mental institution?

    Commitment is a good thing, and if someone can show commitment to people who need it then that's an even better thing. The staff in the asylum need love, and they need to feel they have a purpose.

  238. Have you ever performed unnecessary surgery on someone's body?

    If I did, I think it'd be elf ears.

  239. Have you ever tried to convince others that things are bad? That there are bad beingnesses? That it is bad to do things?

    Things are bad. The word beingnesses is bad, and if I see it again I will kill you with a waffle iron, Mr Pretend Person Whose Name I Keep Changing Because I Couldn't Be Bothered to Go Back and Check.

    And that's a really long name. Your imaginer must've hated you.

  240. Have you ever mocked another's ability?

    You know, I think I just might've done that riiiight here.

  241. Have you ever mocked another's knowingness?

    You need to ask? You mock your own knowingness, Mr Name Changey.

  242. Have you ever mocked another's creativeness?

    You know, I saw this question coming a mile off. And the answer is that your creativeness has no place here. The word is 'Creativity', Mr Double Standards, and I (dis)respectfully suggest you stop trying to obliterate my language.

  243. Have you ever applied a hot iron to another person's body?

    Only to get the creases out.

  244. Have you ever tortured another with electrical, or electronic, devices?

    Yes. I once turned up music that my parents didn't like just to make a point... ignoring the fact that it was Die Zauberflöte.

  245. Have you ever attacked others for causing effects that you secretly knew were beneficial, or helpful?

    If you're looking for an aopolgy, forget it.

  246. Have you ever deliberately caused others to feel less responsible?

    But it's not your fault, since they teach you not to think or question.

  247. Have you ever beaten a child to death?

    Only inside my head, which is why I'm not in gaol.

  248. Have you ever starved anyone to death?

    There was a spider a couple of years back which I carefully imprisoned, but which no-one wanted to set free.

  249. Have you ever left anyone to die of thirst?

    I have, but I think they just went and bought themselves some water or something when I left.

  250. Have you ever misestimated an effort?

    Indeed I did. I never imagined that this would take literally hours to do. You had best appreciate this, Mr NotAppreciatey.

  251. Have you ever misjudged another?

    I have. I honestly thought that he'd never actually believe he was a tree.

  252. Have you ever failed to save someone from drowning?

    I have, indeed, failed to ever save anyone from drowning. That might be because no-one's ever been drowning near me.

  253. Have you ever knowingly sponsored a swindle?

    What, like Scientology? No. I didn't even buy Battlefield Earth second-hand.

  254. Have you ever failed another?

    If I were a teacher or tutor or such, then I'd fail many, many people.

  255. Have you ever wasted time when you ought not to have?

    Honestly, who on this blob of rock could possibly answer 'no' to that?

  256. Have you ever retreated from an area where you should have stayed, or advanced?

    Run away!

  257. Have you ever wasted men? Women? Children? Objects? An ability? Animals? Thoughts? Spaces? Energy?

    Oh, right. And now you're calling me a waste of space, energy, ability and children. If you're expecting a reaction, Mr Insulty, then you're not getting one.

  258. Have you ever made nothing of a worthy person? Of a group? Of a universe? Of a spirit?

    There's lots of things of which I make nothing. I've made nothing of the fact that a good many of these questions make no sense.

  259. Have you failed in any way to live up to your own ideas of how you should be?

    Hmm... let's see... yes. I think I'll live, though.

  260. Have you ever broken someone's body on a wheel?

    Catherine wouldn't let me borrow it, unfortunately. She said it was broken.

  261. Have you ever stretched another's body on a rack?

    Come to think of it, no. I'm not very good with mechanical things.

  262. Have you ever put a criminal in a position of trust?

    Like I said, me no vote Howard.

  263. Have you ever sold people on the idea that people are basically wicked?

    It's not a hard sell, some days. People are basically wicked; being all nice and good and happy is tricky once you're older than 4 and realise that everyone else is out to get you.

  264. Have you ever boiled someone's living body in oil?

    Assuming that lobsters are people too, still no. You use water. You don't cook much, do you, Mr Target For Snarking.

  265. Have you ever eaten a human body?

    Only figuratively, only some bits, and only from live ones.

  266. Have you ever eaten the body of a member of your own species?

    I have to say that's one of the bits I haven't eaten. Not really my thing.

  267. Have you ever exterminated a species?

    No. That's what exterminators are for. Silly Scientologists.

  268. Have you ever let your past triumphs discourage you about your future?

    What? Have you ever let doing things right scare you out of doing stuff? What kind of daft question is that?

  269. Have you ever flayed anyone alive?

    I've figuratively cut strips off many, many people, and all of them deserved it. Even if they don't think so.

  270. Have you ever been a professional executioner?

    I don't execute people for money. I do it out of passion and pride and honesty and... whatever do you mean, what's the hood for?

  271. Have you ever done a bad thing to win approval?

    I have all the approval I need. You, on the other hand, Mr Pretend Question Person, joined a religion that lets you pretend you know famous people. Who here has approval issues?

  272. Have you ever been a dishonest policeman?

    NSW Police - the best money can buy.

  273. Have you ever been a brutal gaoler?

    None of them ever said anything. Might've been something to do with the gags.

  274. Have you ever been a corrupt judge?

    "I sentence this man to be hanged."
    "But it was a parking fine!"
    "Right. That's it. Hanged, drawn and quartered."

  275. Have you ever been a bad soldier?

    "Do I have to keep watch? Can't I just have a nap?"

  276. Have you ever done a bad thing to save yourself?

    Wait... weren't you just trying to get me to say that there really aren't bad things?

  277. Have you ever done a bad thing to save another?

    Now I'm confused. Silly Scientologists.

  278. Have you ever been an ungrateful child?

    The phrase "I want a lollipop!" springs to mind.

  279. Have you ever been a wicked mother?

    Not at all.

  280. Have you ever been a bad father?

    *glances downwards* Would you believe no?

  281. Have you ever convinced another that his goals were no good?

    I have, but he still claimed it was the hand of God.

  282. Have you ever been an abortionist?

    That explains the protesters.

  283. Have you ever run a brothel?

    No, that explains the protesters. And the late-night visitors.

  284. Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?

    No, and no. What kind of knife would you use for that, anyway? Or maybe a spatula?

  285. Have you ever produced a bastard?

    No, but I've had to deal with a few.

  286. Have you ever convinced another that he shouldn't confront someone, or something?

    I think you should just avoid my answer to this question.

  287. Have you ever failed to send, or deliver, a vital message?



  288. Have you committed rape?

    No.

  289. Have you employed poison gas against life forms?

    No. My father does that enough for half the country.

  290. Have you ever put up a discreditable creation?

    There was that 'Costello beats Howard' icon. That was fairly discreditable.

  291. Have you ever taught that it was bad for people to have things?

    No,I haven't. I have things, but I'm not bad. Therefore non-bad people have things. Therefore it's not bad to have things. YOU SHALL TREMBLE BEFORE MY SOPHISTRY.

  292. Have you ever deliberately infected life forms with disease?

    Right. I just misread that as 'Have you ever deliberately infected life forms with cheese?', which gave this odd mental image of a sealed lab producing a carefully-mutated strain of Camembert.

  293. Have you ever made a body disappear?

    There might've been a few on that planet.

  294. Have you ever consistently made a practice of attacking people who helped you?

    You haven't helped me, Mr Headbloaty, so you can get down off that high horse right this instant.

  295. Have you ever perverted an ethic?

    Four legs good, two legs also good.

  296. Have you ever consistently made a practice of attacking those who helped others?

    Rar!

  297. Have you ever abused, or tortured, life forms?

    I once forgot to water an indoor plant for about a month. Does that count?

  298. Have you ever inflicted an unwarranted punishment?

    Look, I told you I said sorry.

  299. Have you ever enforced breeding?

    I'd rather enforce contraception, to be perfectly honest. And retrospective contraception for some people.

  300. Have you ever desecrated burial places?

    No. Everyone knows that's the fastest way to make angry zombies.

  301. Have you ever attacked helpless persons?

    Only with a tank.

  302. Have you ever denied anyone a desired beingness?

    My repitition sense is tingling.

  303. Have you ever caused another being to create against his own wishes or interests?

    Actually, yes. Once, in school, I got stuck doing this group thingy. So, they expected that brilliant me would do all the work for slow, not-learny them. I sat there and did nothing, so we were threatened with being kept in. I kinda shrugged, and sat there watching them do work for once.

    The moral to this story? Some threats only help people get what they want.

  304. Have you ever zapped anyone?

    Let's see... um... no.

  305. Have you deliberately set property afire?

    Only my permanent record, nothing too important.

  306. Have you ever created an affect for which there was no apparent cause?

    How would I know? If there was no apparent cause, it could be an effect from anything. Silly Scientologists.

  307. Have you ever interiorized a being into a machine?

    I've been known to do so. Yes, that's right - I've put dogs into cars. Do you think I carried Murphy home in a box?

  308. Have you ever forced a body to survive against its owner's wishes?

    Not even if it's called Terry.

  309. Have you ever arrested the development of a culture?

    Not even in cheese.

  310. Is there any place you'd better not return to?

    Hmm... let's see... no outstanding warrants, no unpaid debts, no unsolved murders... I think I can still go everywhere.

  311. Is there anything the people of Earth had better not find out about you?

    Yes. They'd better not find out that my weaknesses include coffee, chocolate, and cuteness.

  312. Is there any time you'd better not return to?

    I didn't much like this morning. It was annoying, irritating, cold and miserable.

  313. Have you done anything that had better not happen again?

    I've answered 312 questions of this. Wait, no. 313.

  314. Have you ever given creativeness a bad name?

    No, but you have. Try 'creativity'. You'd think that a religion invented by an author could use real words.

  315. Have you given biological bodies a bad name?

    BiologicalLivingThingies?

  316. Have you given doll bodies a bad name?

    I doubt that CSI: Barbie was a stroke of marketing genius.

  317. Have you given robots a bad name?

    I'll tell you if ever I get a robot. Or one of those robot dogs. They're cute

  318. What should others be warned about concerning you?

    It's 317 questions too late for warnings now, don't you think? Silly Scientologists.

  319. What don't you trust yourself with?

    The self-control not to do things like this. Well, that and chocolate. And coffee. And jolt. And money.

  320. Is there anything you can't forgive yourself for?

    I went through a whole box of chocolate creme oreos over about three days. Oddly, the scales forgave me.

  321. Is there anything others should not forgive you for?

    Putting this on their friends pages?

  322. Have you ever caused equipment entrusted to your care to vanish?

    Try looking on that planet, yeah?

  323. Have you ever acted as a double agent?

    I could tell you, but then I'd have to make ineffectual threats to kill you.

  324. Have you ever misappropriated equipment entrusted to your care?

    Pens, pads of Post-it notes, but - I remind you - not the damned fax machine.

  325. Have you ever interrogated another under torture?

    Only if they didn't... cooperate.

  326. Have you ever caused anyone to be burned alive?

    I'd like to think I can cook better than that. Maybe you have trouble boiling water, Mr Figment Of Imagination, but I most certainly do not.

  327. Have you ever misappropriated funds entrusted to your care?

    No. People tend to ask Questions when that happens, unless you're on the board of a large company.

  328. Have you ever violated the sanctity of a herald?

    "Announcing the Lady of-" *glomp*

  329. Have you ever violated a flag of truce, or a period of truce?

    Only in a pillowfight, and even then it was a pre-emptive strike.

  330. Have you ever caused someone to be flogged to death?

    I'm not big on causing deaths. Except, y'know, the ones I've told you about. And that other one. Oh, and the one in Malta that one time. And that one in Peru. And a couple of others.

  331. Have you ever been a religious fanatic?

    I'd like to try being an atheistic fanatic.

  332. Have you ever assassinated a prominent person?

    I'm sure they'd like to think they were prominent. Or maybe not. Some people kinda have issues with the idea that people might think they're famous, which causes problems when they get written about in studies and so forth.

  333. Have you ever blown anything up?

    Balloons?

  334. Have you ever violated a sanctuary?

    The sanctity of this place has been fouled. Ten points and a cookie if you can place the quote.

  335. Have you ever poisoned an atmosphere?

    No, for I catch The Bus™.

  336. Have you ever set a booby trap?

    If I tell you that, you'll be looking for it, won't you. Oh. Um... ignore that. *headdesk*

  337. Have you ever violated the established rules of warfare?

    There is no truth to the rumour I used bricks in a pillowcase during that pillowfight. None whatsoever.

  338. Have you ever made yourself out to be weaker than you in fact were?

    It helps when you want furniture moved, or things fixed, or stuff carried, or...

  339. Have you ever made yourself out to be stronger than you in fact were?

    It helps you to convince people that you can hurt them.

  340. Have you ever promised help without intending to give it?

    No, but I have refused to help only to quietly do it anyway.

  341. Have you ever abandoned your sick, or dead, to the enemy?

    Dead? In a pillowfight? What is wrong with you people?

  342. Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?

    If there's a situation where I need to rescue Howard then... um... let's call this a yes, in principle.


I think the numbering went a bit odd somewhere, but I'm not about to check 341 (or 342) list items for that. If you read it all, you have my congratulations and a *hug* as compensation for what it will have done to you.

Please don't do this one. It literally takes hours; about seven of them, if you add up all the time I actually spent typing answers. I started about 25 hours ago.
 
 
Current Music: Many songs played finishing this meme.
 
 
Page 1 of 2
<<[1] [2] >>
( Leave a comment )
(no subject) - ianthefira on June 26th, 2005 10:15 am (UTC)
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 04:20 pm (UTC)
w00! It kinda slayed my afternoon, but that's a very different story.
(no subject) - l33tminion on June 26th, 2005 09:11 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - ryttu3k on June 26th, 2005 10:29 am (UTC)
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC)
You did. It came from your comment that he beats Howard, but I suppose I could find it again, just for you.
(no subject) - ryttu3k on June 26th, 2005 10:41 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 08:39 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - ryttu3k on June 26th, 2005 10:52 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:57 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - ryttu3k on June 26th, 2005 11:04 pm (UTC)
dv: ff; mal :)espionage on June 26th, 2005 11:54 am (UTC)
Have you ever had sexual relations with an animal, or bird?

This is my favorite. They ask it as if a bird isn't an animal itself.
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 04:29 pm (UTC)
Scientology doesn't seem big on science. The Wikipedia entry helpfully points out that birds definitely fall under animalia.

Maybe they have problems reading it, since that bit's right under a picture of a great tit.
only love .:. only skynotalwaysweak on June 26th, 2005 07:01 pm (UTC)
I read the WHOLE THING.

I knew that Anne Rice reference was going to come into it somewhere.
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 08:24 pm (UTC)
Then you get your *hug*!

And, yes. It is absolutely essential that I mock Anne Rice.
(no subject) - notalwaysweak on June 26th, 2005 08:26 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - notalwaysweak on June 26th, 2005 08:39 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 08:45 pm (UTC)
Just Call Me Artarthurbulla on June 26th, 2005 09:25 pm (UTC)
Here from metaquotes. :)

And you made me cry from laughing so hard, thank you. I think the combination of your answers leading up to the actual question #260 did me in. x)
active_apathy: Riveractive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 09:50 pm (UTC)
Hello from... well... me!

*nodnods* Catherine was being a bit mean. I thought that saints and martyrs were supposed to share.
Allen Crealy: Being Coolterired on June 26th, 2005 09:37 pm (UTC)
Here from metaquotes

Congratulations. There goes my day reading this.

Arguably, I've already been punished into eternity for it by a decade of Howard as PM
All Australians have been suffering under the tyrannical rule of Lord Eyebrows. We're just waiting for Darth Treasurer to slay him and become the next PM while the Laborious rebellion falls apart from changing leaders every election.
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 09:45 pm (UTC)
Labor was doing much better ten years ago, but they made the fatal mistake of telling the truth about a GST which gave Honest John (think honest, honest Iago) the keys to the kingdom and ten years of economic excellence that the Liberal Party could steal the credit for. Here's hoping that, in 2007, it's not too late.

I wonder if we're going to see the Governor General do anything - IIRC, bills passed by parliament still need assent.
(no subject) - terired on June 26th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:06 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - terired on June 26th, 2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:16 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - terired on June 26th, 2005 10:24 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:26 pm (UTC)
Daphydil: broadway - fuckin' awesomedaphyn on June 26th, 2005 09:51 pm (UTC)
I read the whole thing too (go me!), and I'd like permission to adore you from afar. Just a little bit. (I'd offer to friend you instead, but alas, my life is boring and long-winded, involving sometimes upwards of 7 posts a day...)

YAY for NetHack, by the way, which I've been playing since I was 6. And Firefly, which is just lovely...and yeah. Reading this also caused me to forget that I'd put dinner on the stove. At least until I smelled burning clam chowder. Which I proceeded to eat anyway. No sense in wasting food.
active_apathy: Riveractive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 09:57 pm (UTC)
Yay! You also get a *hug*, then. (Wait! I know you. You can't possibly be too boring, friend-of-Dana.)

I love NetHack, so very, very much. Then again, I also liked Rogue.
(no subject) - daphyn on June 26th, 2005 10:57 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 11:05 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - daphyn on June 26th, 2005 11:09 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 11:12 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - daphyn on June 27th, 2005 04:38 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 04:39 am (UTC)
(no subject) - daphyn on June 27th, 2005 04:45 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 04:53 am (UTC)
(no subject) - daphyn on June 27th, 2005 04:57 am (UTC)
Lanna Michaels: laughlannamichaels on June 26th, 2005 09:52 pm (UTC)
I'm completely dead from laughing so hard. I laughed so hard that I died, then resurrected myself as a vampire, then staked myself through the heart after I realized that I was an Anne Rice vampire.


This totally rocks. :D
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
An Anne Rice vampire? Noooooooooooo!

Oh, wait. That's George Lucas... um...

Absinthe: Not just for breakfast anymore.
(no subject) - ryttu3k on June 26th, 2005 10:43 pm (UTC)
Beer and Skittles: Academialiadlaith on June 26th, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
You don't know me, I came here from metaquotes, but I just have to say - dude, you spelt it "gaol". *wipes tear from eye*

But then, so did the Scientologists, so now I'm worried.

Stop making my language look bad, you silly Scientologists!
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
I first saw it written as 'gaol', which - combined with sheer fact - makes it the One True Spelling.

Their corruptingness of language is unacceptable.

Oh, and, me? Not a dude.
(no subject) - liadlaith on June 26th, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:49 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - liadlaith on June 26th, 2005 10:53 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:56 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - liadlaith on June 26th, 2005 11:02 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 11:08 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - liadlaith on June 26th, 2005 11:13 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 11:26 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - liadlaith on June 26th, 2005 11:31 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 11:34 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - liadlaith on June 26th, 2005 11:43 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 11:45 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - liadlaith on June 26th, 2005 11:56 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 04:00 am (UTC)
lilacsigillilacsigil on June 26th, 2005 10:06 pm (UTC)
Have you ever sought to put another's thinkingness out of his control?

That's called 'Sales'. You take control of their thinkingness, and use it to power their buyingness.

Would you like to buy me a new computer screen? Mine has interacted with a cup of tea.

Also, 342? I'm right with you, there. Especially if The Bus is involved.
Bloody hilarious. Thank you.
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:14 pm (UTC)
The Bus? *guesses, hands you an 'h'*

And no, I don't think that I would. Unless, of course, you pay me to do it. Beyond that, I'm not replacing anyone's Graphical Beverage Interface.
(no subject) - ryttu3k on June 26th, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:47 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - ryttu3k on June 26th, 2005 10:53 pm (UTC)
A dark storm ragingtabbyclaw on June 26th, 2005 10:08 pm (UTC)
I read it all, and I think I'm in love. As if I weren't before.
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:18 pm (UTC)
You, too, get a *hug*.
Azure Jane Lunaticazurelunatic on June 26th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
I think your mockingness mockingbird mockery was the only thing that enabled me to read the entire thing. (A friend had a creepy run-in with a nest of these freaks, you see, and I got to deal with the aftermath.) Delightful job!
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:32 pm (UTC)
Thankyou kindly. You, too, get your *hug* for finishing it.
(no subject) - azurelunatic on June 26th, 2005 10:47 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 10:50 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - azurelunatic on June 26th, 2005 11:40 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 26th, 2005 11:43 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - azurelunatic on June 26th, 2005 11:49 pm (UTC)
germankittygermankitty on June 27th, 2005 12:01 am (UTC)
Can I have my *hug*, too? (Here through metaquotes

I saw the original post yesterday (I think), was put off by the overall silliness of the questions, but reading your answers made it worthwhile. :)

Yay for this, though:
Have you ever started a war?

Only on LP. The chan-ces of an-y-thing com-ing from Mars...


Having a nice Alan Parsons Project flashback there ... and now I can't get rid of the tune playing in my head. Grrr. (Incidentally, did we just date ourselves by knowing the LP -- or even owning it, in my case?)

More kudos for using German place names, btw. :)

active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 03:58 am (UTC)
You can indeed. *hugs*

It got stuck in my head, too. I had to take a little break before I could answer more questions. (My parents have the LP, but I have heard it and I used to know how to play them. I probably still would, but lack a turntable. And vinyl.)

My German teachers wouldn't have had it any other way, and I honestly can't remember most of the Anglicised names for places. No, really.
(no subject) - germankitty on June 27th, 2005 04:16 am (UTC)
(no subject) - neadods on June 27th, 2005 07:04 am (UTC)
(no subject) - germankitty on June 27th, 2005 07:58 am (UTC)
(no subject) - neadods on June 27th, 2005 06:28 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 06:37 am (UTC)
(no subject) - neadods on June 27th, 2005 07:03 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 07:06 am (UTC)
Xans: Dave the Laugh_xanthia on June 27th, 2005 01:03 am (UTC)
omgomgomg I get ten points and a cookie!

Um. Yeah. That just took a long time to read so I've got to be excited about somethingj. And love the mocking of Anne Rice. :D

P.S. As for Diablo? I still play it.
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 03:59 am (UTC)
There's lots of bits of Diablo that were done much better than in Diablo 2, but that's a very different story. Or I just loved Hellfire. Two swords and identify as an ability. Mmmm... tasty.
(no subject) - _xanthia on June 27th, 2005 04:12 am (UTC)
Danaeighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 04:20 am (UTC)
You? Are awesome.

::goes back to read what I've inevitably skipped over::
Dana: Kitties {Cletus WTF?!}eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 04:23 am (UTC)
Have you ever participated in a sexual relationship between a doll body and a human body?

...

There's no metaphor for that one, is there.


But my Ken doll said he loved me... and now he's ruined my chances at greatness!
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 04:28 am (UTC)
Ken dolls are also very... um... limited. They're not the best choice for a sexual relationship, especially not when compared to the likes of Hello Kitty.
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 04:45 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 04:50 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 04:57 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 05:01 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 05:08 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 05:17 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 05:23 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 05:36 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 05:45 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 05:49 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 05:55 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 06:39 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 06:47 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 06:55 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on July 5th, 2005 08:58 am (UTC)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on July 5th, 2005 09:12 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on July 5th, 2005 09:13 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on July 5th, 2005 09:16 am (UTC)
(no subject) - wickedladybear on July 5th, 2005 08:48 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on July 5th, 2005 08:57 am (UTC)
ex_hestia on June 27th, 2005 05:17 am (UTC)
Right. I've stumbled across this LJ and found a Aussie who has lifted my mood since watching bloody Four Corners tonight. I shall have to friend you. Hold still and it won't hurt. ;)
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 05:23 am (UTC)
*goes, reads summary* Hmm... That could be a little upsetting.

This may help.

Nelson Stomp

Would you mind terribly if I return the friending?
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on June 28th, 2005 12:50 am (UTC)
(no subject) - ex_hestia on June 28th, 2005 12:51 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 28th, 2005 05:37 am (UTC)
(no subject) - ex_hestia on June 28th, 2005 07:26 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 28th, 2005 07:37 am (UTC)
(no subject) - ex_hestia on June 28th, 2005 08:06 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 28th, 2005 08:08 am (UTC)
(no subject) - lizey on June 28th, 2005 06:13 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - ex_hestia on June 29th, 2005 04:53 pm (UTC)
Stompy! - active_apathy on June 29th, 2005 05:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Stompy! - lizey on July 1st, 2005 04:38 am (UTC)
Re: Stompy! - active_apathy on July 1st, 2005 04:50 am (UTC)
tell them stories: sw hobbie laughingdjcati on June 27th, 2005 05:36 am (UTC)
Wow. I think...you have killed me. Again.

I read about half of this out to my sister, when I could control my voice long enough to not laugh hysterically. She particularly liked the table/pet comment.

Me, I loved the whole thing. Can't choose just one to quote. I think you have all my love now.
tell them storiesdjcati on June 27th, 2005 05:40 am (UTC)
Also, I have now added you to my friends list so that I don't have to wait for the geniuses at metaquotes to link to you.

If you don't mind.
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 05:48 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 05:46 am (UTC)
(no subject) - djcati on June 27th, 2005 06:05 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 06:11 am (UTC)
(no subject) - djcati on June 27th, 2005 06:21 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 06:25 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 06:38 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 06:45 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 06:47 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 06:52 am (UTC)
(no subject) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 06:57 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 07:02 am (UTC)
:) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 07:05 am (UTC)
Re: :) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 07:10 am (UTC)
Re: :) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 07:12 am (UTC)
Re: :) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 07:18 am (UTC)
Re: :) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 07:29 am (UTC)
Re: :) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 07:35 am (UTC)
Re: :) - eighthcloud on June 27th, 2005 07:48 am (UTC)
Re: :) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 07:51 am (UTC)
(no subject) - athersgeo on June 27th, 2005 07:36 am (UTC)
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 07:39 am (UTC)
You're welcome.
(no subject) - ladystardust_xs on June 28th, 2005 07:28 am (UTC)
(no subject) - athersgeo on June 28th, 2005 07:49 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 28th, 2005 07:57 am (UTC)
(no subject) - athersgeo on June 28th, 2005 08:28 am (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 28th, 2005 08:32 am (UTC)
silmaril on June 27th, 2005 08:09 am (UTC)
Ok, I'm late to the party---I see that it's been metaquotes-ed, and deservedly so---but let me just say, a) thanks for the Monday morning laugh, b) I definitely appreciate the hours you spent on this, and c) Specific remarks:

#8: I always thought that cyanide was supposed to smell like almonds, but
what do I know?
#19: Diablo 1 reference. You win.
#21: I can't stop laughing.
#37: Rice? Bwah.
#48: Did I mention I can't stop laughing?
#53: Ditto?
#91: What does enturbulated even _mean_? (Yes, yes, I can tell from
context and a bit of wordcraft. Was "messed up" not good enough?)
#93: Well, that was that one time one of my players got touched by that
level-draining lich...
#107: Can't. Laughing. You know the drill.
#131: Or "disrupted communications can only mean one thing... Invasion."
Because power surges and electrical storms in the upper atmosphere are
unheard-of.
#168: If "knowingness" is a word, why not "rightness"?
#199: That'd come with a side order of "Amen" for me...
#206: See above remarks about inability to stop laughing.
#231: Ibid.
#252: Ditto. Extra points on the good illustration of the importance of
adverb placement on meaning of the sentence.
#255: I'm willing to bet, not even Jesus and Mohammed.
#268: That question actually makes sense for people of a certain mindset:
"I'll never be as good as I was that one time, so I might as well stop
playing music now." No, I've heard this actually happen. No, I don't
think it makes sense for me or anyone who doesn't need to be shaken.
#287:
#295: Animal Farm reference: You win.
#309: Eating cheese might count, actually.
#310: It would be harder if you hadn't referenced the game earlier. Not
that I don't appreciate it. What kinda cookie?
#311: Too late. Actually, going by earlier answers it was way too late
for "coffee".

active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 08:26 am (UTC)
You're very welcome. Now, specific responses...

#8: I once heard the grass thing. It was this story about a lab tech who thought he was going to die, and then heard the lawnmower. This is hardly a reliable source of information, though.
#19: Completely forgot that one. Hee!
#21: Ah, Swiss jokes.
#37: Rice? Perhaps. And many, many others. Deliberate Rice was later.
#53: Come to think of it, that one could be a Rice mock too. Hmm...
#91: I don't know. I just guessed.
#93: Level drain is why I use character record books. *nodnod* Well, that and space for persona details on a D&D sheet.
#131: I think the punctuation snark was fun for that one.
#168: Knowingness actually is a word. It means the application of knowledge or acumen. I thought I'd at least look it up before mocking it.
#199: You know what they say about clean desks.
#252: Oh, but of course. What you've been is not on boats.
#255: And once Jesus had cast the moneylenders from the temple, yea, he commenced the Holy Act of bumming around on the steps. And it was good, yea.
#268: Well said.
#287:
#287a: Well spotted.
#295: Eric Arthur Blair would be so proud. Or not.
#309: It might, or storing it at too low a temperature, or buying it in shrink-wrapped plastic.
#310: Like I said, I'd forgotten that one by this point. And... um... virtual?
#311: Many coffee beans died securing this misinformation.
christine garciagarsha on June 27th, 2005 08:23 am (UTC)
Here from metaquotes and I think I love you. Yes, I read the whole thing.
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 08:29 am (UTC)
You did? Thanks. You qualify for the official *hug*. :)
Christina K  (jackelope hunter!): Amused & Bemusedbutterflykiki on June 27th, 2005 09:38 am (UTC)
Must remember to feed my tables when I get home.

I'd weep for the stupidity, except that me and my Body Thetan came to a legal settlement ages ago, so, y'know. We're not allowed to comment on other possession negotiations.

Here's a tip though: they ph33r teh shrimp. It's the key to co-habitation.

*salutes you, goes back to plans for re-designing the galaxy*
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 04:29 pm (UTC)
*glances at plans*

I think you want to put a little bit of sense somewhere, otherwise it'll all turn out like this all over again.
The Shadow-Lurkertheshadowlurker on June 27th, 2005 03:06 pm (UTC)
I read the whole thing over a period of... well, a long time, due to my limited periods of internet access.
active_apathy: Dead or Aliveactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 04:30 pm (UTC)
You just wanted the hug, didn't you. Or maybe not, but I promised.

*hugs*
(no subject) - theshadowlurker on June 27th, 2005 07:31 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 27th, 2005 08:17 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - theshadowlurker on June 28th, 2005 01:23 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 28th, 2005 04:44 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - theshadowlurker on June 28th, 2005 06:28 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 28th, 2005 06:30 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - theshadowlurker on June 28th, 2005 06:33 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 28th, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - theshadowlurker on June 28th, 2005 06:39 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - active_apathy on June 28th, 2005 06:42 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - theshadowlurker on June 28th, 2005 06:58 pm (UTC)
darksky23: Wrong in the Head - Cleolindadarksky23 on June 27th, 2005 04:29 pm (UTC)
Also here from metaquotes... I read the whole thing. You're my hero.

But I also got really bored one night, and my SO convinced me to check out the Scientology website because we wanted to find out what it was. I took their silly personality test. I was laughing at the questions that they took seriously, much less this crazy list!

*snickers*

You know, I'm pretty open minded about other religions, and hey, to each their own, but... totally not for me.
active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 04:38 pm (UTC)
You qualify for the *hug*, then.

Scientology's not for me, either. I'm not rich, I'm not famous, and my brain's not missing. :)

There's religious openmindedness, and then there's Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
(no subject) - darksky23 on June 27th, 2005 05:05 pm (UTC)
ƒωƒfireworkfiasco on June 27th, 2005 07:47 pm (UTC)
Have you ever violated a nation's neutrality?

Indeed I have. I made Switzerland take a stance. Unfortunately, their stance was just that I had to be deported.


Damn. I thought I had the Switzerland. Instead I get France. Damn.

So. This list? So funny. Can't...stop...laughing...

Must...beat...subordinates....for...fun...and...profit...

active_apathyactive_apathy on June 27th, 2005 08:18 pm (UTC)
*hands over a stick* There you go. Try not to kill them, because then they can't do their work for the 'profit' bit.