Having seen altogether too much ZOMGDONOTWANTPOST splashed all over the nargletubes in recent times, I feel it's time for a refresher course in the correct operation of modern human interface devices as they relate to being a grown-up.
I am aware that many of you are, indeed, highly skilled at use of human interface devices and/or at being grown-ups, and I ask that you give your patience and encouragement to those among us lacking in the skills necessary to play nicely with others.
So, dear interwebbertubes, here is a HIGHLY EFFECTIVE procedure for dealing with things that you, personally, do not wish to read on the Internet:
- Assume a firm yet relaxed grip on your computer mouse.
- Place a finger on the scroll wheel.
- Draw the finger on the scroll wheel toward you, pressing lightly on the wheel. This may cause it to feel as though it is moving; this is perfectly normal.
- Repeat steps 2-3 until the unwanted item is no longer visible on the screen.
- Go about your day normally.
This procedure is adequate for scrolling on most modern desktop computers, and can help to reduce time used by, and occupational overuse injuries caused by, posting comments or entries to whine about things that you have read, and the ensuing flouncing when others point out that the whining is, perhaps, nonessential.
Come back next week as we venture into more advanced techniques, including the correct operation of the difficult and mysterious 'PAGE DOWN' key.
I now return you to your regularly-scheduled series of tubes.